So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
