forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
