My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
