Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
