i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
