I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
