Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
