your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
