My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
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I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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