when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
