shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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