I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
And then he peed in my hair
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