tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
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You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
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I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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