Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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