3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Randomize
