Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
