No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Never joke about your clitoris.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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