ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
