You smell like stripper and shame
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
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Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
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It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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