I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
how does that bad decision feel?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
