I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
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