It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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