broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
