Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
