; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
