What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I did not marry a roomba.
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