tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
i just made my gag reflex go away.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
