I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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