When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.