We're facebook friends in real life
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.