Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Barsexuality is the new black.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something