Texts From Last Night

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  (858): View more from California

  So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?

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  (858): So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto? http://tfl.nu/poyg
  Replies (18) Good night (1591) Bad night (3572)
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  (562): View more from California

  How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?

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  (562): How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std? http://tfl.nu/ee21
  Replies (26) Good night (748) Bad night (5306)
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  (906): View more from Michigan

  Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here

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  (906): Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here http://tfl.nu/0qbu
  Replies (12) Good night (6073) Bad night (871)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.

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  (724): Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted. http://tfl.nu/tz2e
  Replies (41) Good night (17135) Bad night (2592)
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  (804): View more from Virginia

  she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.

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  (804): she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs. http://tfl.nu/jax9
  Replies (34) Good night (5219) Bad night (6555)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."

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  (917): well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you." http://tfl.nu/h98x
  Replies (3) Good night (3211) Bad night (922)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness

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  (917): he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness http://tfl.nu/2dob
  Replies (2) Good night (560) Bad night (940)
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  (315): View more from New York

  don't pay it forward

  (1-315): View more from New York

  I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced

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  (315): don't pay it forward (1-315): I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced http://tfl.nu/bffp
  Replies (4) Good night (618) Bad night (1029)
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  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.

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  (414): If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg. http://tfl.nu/31ua
  Replies (2) Good night (1444) Bad night (796)
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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation

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  (484): i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation http://tfl.nu/uy0z
  Replies (5) Good night (1462) Bad night (590)
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  (813): View more from Florida

  I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.

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  (813): I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert. http://tfl.nu/diqw
  Replies (3) Good night (1049) Bad night (721)
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea

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  (920): He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea http://tfl.nu/pad4
  Replies (2) Good night (436) Bad night (730)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something

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  (612): Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something http://tfl.nu/w0o2
  Replies (2) Good night (630) Bad night (399)
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  (320): View more from Minnesota

  I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."

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  (320): I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you." http://tfl.nu/09tn
  Replies (5) Good night (746) Bad night (505)
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  (204): View more from Manitoba

  Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave

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  (204): Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave http://tfl.nu/3m6z
  Replies (1) Good night (370) Bad night (156)

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