i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Bring me that man meat
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO