I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
