My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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