remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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