i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
