Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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