I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
