Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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