Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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