it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
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i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
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I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits