Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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