the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face