Texts From Last Night

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  (248): View more from Michigan

  The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.

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  (248): The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out. http://tfl.nu/flyw
  Replies (2) Good night (701) Bad night (1282)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.

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  (609)Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no. http://tfl.nu/gch1
  Replies (3) Good night (564) Bad night (936)
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  (469): View more from Texas

  I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.

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  (469): I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep. http://tfl.nu/j5ig
  Replies (9) Good night (5287) Bad night (705)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.

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  (847): woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score. http://tfl.nu/p406
  Replies (26) Good night (9282) Bad night (826)
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?

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  (208): Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain? http://tfl.nu/hz7f
  Replies (17) Good night (895) Bad night (3657)
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  (469): View more from Texas

  The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.

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  (469): The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig. http://tfl.nu/4p0a
  Replies (9) Good night (4437) Bad night (1298)
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.

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  (818): At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis. http://tfl.nu/iwbw
  Replies (5) Good night (4224) Bad night (1576)
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests

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  (973): Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests http://tfl.nu/b1y9
  Replies (10) Good night (3959) Bad night (1003)
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  (810): View more from Michigan

  woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.

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  (810): woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you. http://tfl.nu/pwhp
  Replies (6) Good night (1439) Bad night (2359)
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  (229): View more from Georgia

  If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.

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  (229): If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month. http://tfl.nu/wxst
  Replies (3) Good night (1002) Bad night (494)
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  (450): View more from Quebec

  If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.

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  (450): If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him. http://tfl.nu/1adz
  Replies (12) Good night (1344) Bad night (584)
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  (619): View more from California

  I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.

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  (619): I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain. http://tfl.nu/lmb6
  Replies (1) Good night (403) Bad night (561)
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.

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  (440): The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch. http://tfl.nu/uy0f
  Replies (2) Good night (863) Bad night (277)
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.

  (845): View more from New York

  you are a goddess

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  (914): this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment. (845): you are a goddess http://tfl.nu/5u6j
  Replies (1) Good night (768) Bad night (222)
• Favorite

  (+61): View more from Australia

  I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.

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  (+61): I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery. http://tfl.nu/egkw
  Replies (0) Good night (306) Bad night (239)

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