I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges