I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?