I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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