Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
