i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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