I feel great
I just peed on a car
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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