so explain again why im purple
no
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize