its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Randomize
