Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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