So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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