I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
