How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
