i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
jump out the window naked night went bad
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
