Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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