finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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