when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
