I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
