I didn't shave. On purpose
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
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