I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
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