we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
