Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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