Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize