She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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