Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
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There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
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Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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