and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
