oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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