You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
