Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
3 2 1 whiskey
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
