everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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