So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
