So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
