Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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