DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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