i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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