I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
