I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
