I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Randomize
