1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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