The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
