Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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