You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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