Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Randomize
