Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Randomize
