So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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